Where Have All The Flower Children Gone?/Lost Flower Child

I met a hippie named Plunker a few weeks back, and he gave me this book.  "Somehow I feel like I was waiting for you." He said as he signed it.  I felt like the book was calling me, and that's a connection with books I often have.  The last book that called my name like that was a copy of Hermann Hesse's "Narcissus and Goldmund."  When I came across this rainbow coloured confection, I grabbed for it, hoping that it would erase the inspiration that Goldmund and his brooding had left behind, or at least dull it a little.  The book left me yearning for more in a way that seemed to almost spell a negative demise, it's heavy handed spirituality a bit too much for my flower-child tastes, but still something about the wandering transience called me.  I love transience, mostly in people, not so much in things.  I often wonder how people can stay in the same place at the same job for longer than 3 years. (I'd never managed that, and I'm sure the only reason I made it through high school was sheer necessity.)

These days though, I feel a deep longing for something a little more...lasting.  I want to create something lasting, something beautiful like a little piece of me floating around in the minds of people I don't know and I might never meet.  The notion seems somewhat...enticing.  Just think, something that sat in your head for however long is out there, known and recognised by people you don't know.  They'll know of you, but you may never know them, or how much your work has affected them.  That's a beautiful thought.  My favourite artist and designer once said: "I have made beautiful things, let them go and know they remain in other peoples lives...I create and send out into life."  At the time, I read this quote and thought "How weird, don't you want to keep something beautiful for yourself?" but now I understand: The more you let go, the more space you have to create something bigger and better based on what you've just created.  I guess a lot has changed in me in a year to understand that notion.  He always seems so sure of what to do next, I hope one day to get to that place in life where maybe there's not so much inner-turmoil.  Everything about life overwhelms and confuses me (My therapist says this is sensory-overload.  I'm still waiting for this to come in handy in places other than raves and concerts.)  I feel like the world is too big and too complicated for me, like I'm a lost flower child that missed the calling.

I just want to do something different.  I want to leave the world with something of me, something that I can just let go and watch take shape in the world.  I just want to change perception, change what people think is possible from everyday life.  I wish there was a way to leave people breathless for just a little while, but I guess that's just my grandeur-like delusions.